The Dove Beauty Campaigns have done a wonderful job of shining a light on the overly touched up impossible standards of beauty in today’s society; unfortunately, we’re not listening. We say we care about the message but are still primping, stenciling, straightening, and contouring our reflections to appear as superior “perfect” selves. When we don ten thousand pounds of make up, we’re not Danielle, Elizabeth, or Stephanie. We’re Danielle 2.0 5.0, Elizabeth the vixen, and Stephanie the flawless who can stop a man dead in his tracks.
I personally am not one for make-up, but like most women I am concerned with how I appear to outsiders. You know. Those people staring at you on the street looking at your hair and wondering why you didn’t blow dry it this morning. Those critical haters who glance down at your feet and hold their gaze because they specifically knew you stepped out of the house without a pedicure. How dare you. Those workout junkies who size up your physique right after you had that double bacon cheeseburger and sweet potato fries not even caring that the meat was grass-fed and that your waiter “told” you everything was organic. Those people. And by “those people” I mean all of us. We have all critiqued someone walking down the street and thanked the Lord we were not “them.”
This oober keen awareness of self prompted me to improve my outer appearance and try out teeth whitening. My teeth aren’t incredibly yellow, but I received free teeth whitening from my dentist and thought, “Why not? It’s free! Everyone needs a little upkeep.” If I could go back now, I would have dropped that crack-like syringe and told my dentist to shove it.
It all seemed so safe. Dab a small droplet into the whitening tray (one dab per tooth) and then slip the mold into my mouth. Wear for 45 painless minutes or keep it on the whole night for a better brighter you. Repeat every two days.
Day 1: Followed steps like a pro and left on for 45 minutes. A little tingly afterwards, but no sweat!
Day 2: (A week later because I forgot) Followed steps like a pro and left on for three hours. Tingling sensation, but extra sensitive toothpaste stopped the pain in its tracks.
Day 3: Followed steps like a pro and left on for the whole night. Huge mistake.
Awaken by a sharp pain in the front of my mouth, my eyes shot open and quickly glared at the alarm clock. Four o’ clock in the morning. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but the pain kept nagging me. After ten minutes, I finally convinced myself to get up and take out the whitening trays and rinse off the gel. What started as a vague ache and momentary pain turned into tear jerking torture. Every gasp for air felt as though I was sipping ice cold water increasing the terrifying twinge. I raced to Walgreens and purchased more Sensodyne, coworkers sprinted to Winn Dixie to grab Orajel in an effort to settle the rising beast that is within my 5’1.5″ body (yes, I added a half-inch. It counts.), and students sang and danced for their forlorn teacher who could not for the life of her smile without cringing. I wanted to scream, “Kill me. Please be so kind as to pull out every single tooth. Start at the front!”
After eight hours of rubbing Orajel on my gums like an addict looking for her next fix, I have given up my fight for a perfectly blinding white smile, and those people, those bystanders who choose to look at my smile and wonder how many glasses of red wine I partake in can transfix their gazes somewhere else. Being trapped behind pearly whites that felt like daggers was hardly my idea of beauty. I have to admit though- it is a bit comical how sometimes it takes pain for us to realize how idiotic our attempts at perfection are. This time, hopefully, I’ve learned my lesson.
The Wily Scribe 